Tag Archives: trust

I Lost. Where Did I Put My Big Boy Pants??

I did not vote for Donald Trump. I didn’t vote for him for dozens of reasons. And in the primary, I did not vote for Hillary Clinton. So I guess I’m “one of those”. For all of you reading that did vote for Trump, congratulations. It’s a tough pill to swallow today, & I don’t have much else to say there… but, he is my nations leader in a couple months. I’ll pray for him like I have for Pres. Obama. I promise. 

So now what?

First, I am a white (mostly Scottish, English, & Cherokee, I think), Christian, college educated, & a middle-class fella. So if I speak for any group, that’s the one. And I’m a Democrat that almost never votes straight ticket. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever voted for a presidential candidate that lost. I’m 36. 

I say that to say this… I will not be telling African Americans how to feel. I will not be advising women. I can’t tell the lower or upper classes how to handle this. If you didn’t vote for President-Elect Trump, & you meet most of my demographics, I am talking to you. And if you aren’t in those circles, I hope this is helpful in some small way.

Election Night

When Florida & Virginia numbers first started coming out, I was worried. I saw the county map & knew he’d successfully mobilized rural America, & was closer than Romney was to Obama in the largely blue counties. I told Grace I was worried. It never got better. Media stopped spinning & started asking real questions, so that was nice. But by & large, it was awful to watch. 

Parker headed for bed around 8:30pm here on the West Coast. He was disappointed. He likes Hillary because ‘she smiles better’ & ‘likes brown people’ & ‘she doesn’t say mean things’. So I’m probably going to ban him from watching coverage of polling. I don’t want him to create negative opinions of the people who voted against his opinions. We have enough of that amongst the grown-ups. 

Uneducated White Women 

I watched CNN until it was basically over. Then I was just watching to see how Fox & MSNBC were handling the reality. But CNN didn’t really use the phrase ‘uneducated white women‘. I started seeing it on social media & found out a major cable network or two was wearing the phrase out. CNN was polling large turnout for ‘non-college white women‘. 

First, current polling suggests that this apparent large turnout is not true. Gotta love polling 🙄

Second, words matter. Someone on national television called my mom uneducated. My mom is a conservative Christian with an important job overseeing proposals for millions in grant money for Duke University health systems. She’s not only smart, but also self-educated & has taken numerous business classes because business is her career. She is not uneducated. And the phrase wreaks of elitism & prejudice against people, & in this case women, that don’t have college degrees. It was inappropriate & a missed opportunity to properly characterize a sizeable populous in our nation. I love you Mom.

Mom Is Wrong

Ok, Mom isn’t wrong. I just wanted a catchy subtitle. But she & I don’t vote very similarly, so we don’t discuss a lot about politics. However, I know she can be counted in the millions of us that have looked at the two main party candidates with befuddled expressions, & wondered aloud, “Really? These are the options?!?”

But she’s my mom. I love my mom. I’m grateful for the faith she helped me cultivate, the family that she & Dad made for my sister & me, the way she loves my wife, & the relentless depths to which she spoils my sons. She loves Jesus simply. She knows theology & doctrine, but she just loves Jesus. And I think that has shaped my love of Jesus & humanity more than anything I’ve ever read or been taught. So when it comes to my mom, disagreeing with her is not more important than loving her. She’s my mom, & my sister in Christ, & she human. I love me some humans. 

Loving Through Disagreement

I can’t tell if today has been awful or inspiring. I’ve argued all morning on social media. I’ve had text message duels with some of my favorite people. I’ve had my faith called into question because I’m not more anti-abortion than human equality. I’ve been called a few names, & none of them by strangers. I’ve probably lost friends today. And I think this has happened because we’ve ALL traded in our decency for some policies & fears. 

So to some of my former students, I’m sorry we’ve argued. If in my debating, I failed to remind you or uphold the measure to which I love you, I am so sorry. To my family members that don’t like my views or posts or blogs, etc., I’m not trying to attack you. But I am probably trying to offend you. And I’m sorry that the road to understanding has to cross through offense. Again, we are ALL becoming way more political than we are compassionate. And I forget that sometimes. And if you are one of those few people who look to me as a leader in faith or thought or social responsibility, & I didn’t say enough or I said too much or you assumed that being a Christian & a pastor meant I was a Republican, I am so sorry that I disappointed you, but…

Disagreeing Through Love

We don’t agree. 

I think that you can’t call yourself Pro-Life if there is any scenario, no matter how bizarre or vile, where you would permit a woman or female child to have an abortion. If you have one scenario that you can concoct that allows for a fetus or embryo to be terminated, you’re Pro-Choice. And that needs to be thought through & dealt with honestly, first in your own heart, & then with people you trust. And then maybe see who is actually getting abortions & why. 

I think African Americans & Latino Americans are the most marginalized & quietly despised ethnicities in American history. I think we have a system that batters them & then tells them to unify with us. And I can’t be quiet about human injustice. The are more people involved in ethnic hate groups right now in America than at any other time in our history. Absorb that. Change that. Fight that. 

I think our prisons are full of black men who shouldn’t be there. 

I think Big Business has butchered the Constitution & bastardized our free market. Nothing is free now. And the cost is steep, well beyond the dollars & cents. 

I think we’ve taxed college students by giving them a minimum wage that falls well beneath inflation, & tuition rates that cripple economic freedom for most that are engaged in the system. 

I think we’ve created a poverty class that has little to no hope of overcoming the economics of their situation because the media calls them uneducated or worse, pundits over promise & under deliver, many of our policies perpetuate classism, & Americans that aren’t poor are largely ignoring Americans that are poor!! 

…..

And if you’re reading this, feeling flush & getting red in the face, then we disagree. Some of those bullets points are economic, & you might be able to teach me something that grows my knowledge, & therefore my opinions on it. Cool. Teach away. 

But on some of these disagreements, I am steadfast in my conviction that change must be the order. We are as racially divided as ever. I don’t blame anyone. Blame is for people who don’t want to be bothered with correcting the problem. But our system is tilted in favor of… me. And I love humanity too much to have a Brad-first society. I like diversity too much to favor one small fraction of the ‘haves’ over the growing number of outsiders that exist around me.

So I love you, but we disagree. And I’m not going to be getting over it. But I swear, I love you. 

One Last Thing, Dear Black People…

This part is for all of you still reading that aren’t a group that looks like me, but it’s especially for African Americans. 

I’m heartbroken for America today. I’m afraid for you, especially if stop & frisk is brought back into the forefront of policing. And if the brokenness in our justice system isn’t confronted. And for whatever you felt compelled to tell your children this morning. 

I do trust God today. But I’m reminded this morning, of how Christ responded to the death of his friend Lazarus. Jesus, knowing God’s will fully & completely, knew that his friend wasn’t truly gone. He knew a miracle was coming. But in the moment, at that awful place where someone else’s pain is tangible, Jesus cried. So trusting God, I weep with you today. 

I do not understand. I’m a white guy. I can’t possibly understand. But I will fight for you. And I will believe that your mourning will be turned to joy. And I will fight for that joy. And while I’m fighting for your rights in our free nation, if I can encourage Latinos, Muslims, homosexuals, the poor, refugees, & the imprisoned as well, well I’m going to do that too.

I love you guys. All of you reading this. Let’s think together, love together, & walk together. 

I John 4:7-12, 15-18 read it & dream

Advertisements

1 Comment

Filed under Christianity, faith, Growth, Leadership, Uncategorized

Bullied By Me

I’ve been in a tough season in life. Family is great, healthy & happy. Physically I am ending 2012 more than 30 lbs lighter than I started it. Financially God is providing for us as we give back & ‘render unto Caesar’. But I am hard-pressed… because I’m an idiot.

Don’t feel bad for me. The last 2 months have been a tragic discovery of all the things that I convince myself God won’t do in me, with me, or through me. But this tragedy is entirely self-inflicted. I have passionate support from my amazing wife. My folks & sister know me & still believe in me. Even my son, as his mind develops & his cognition builds, knows I’m not super-human, but when he watches me I see so much hope & joy. Former colleagues, current coworkers, friends, & people I’ve known for years have all been supportive.

But I beat me up.

I believe in the God that parted seas, raised the dead, & conquered His own bodily death, but I doubt that he’s appointed me, called me out. And discovering my faithless & untrusting spirit has been awful. It is an ugly side of me & my heart that I do not like.

But God hasn’t moved.

I have wiggled all over the place. And eventually, our family has landed beside a tremendous movement of God, through his church, asking if we’d all go all in. Not more or ‘above & beyond’, but a total sell out to God’s work & movement here. And we are working through that. It isn’t easy. We’re new. I have absolute certainty that God has called me into full-time ministry. And this has nothing to do with work. This is personal, voluntary, & committed beyond vocation.

And God speaks.

The last 4/5 days have been wonderful. I have prayed & felt peace. Sought out counsel & received it. Asked tough questions at home & had great talks with Grace. And in my personal study/prayer time, here is the verse that has captured my heart. Exodus 14:14 -‘The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.’

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

So I’m leaving me alone. I’ve backed off of the bullying, & I’m letting God fight for me… against me. I know who I am in Christ. I need to determine where He wants me to lead our family. And I will… in His time. He speaks. He leads. He loves me & my precious family more than I do. He has a great plan for us.

And I’m ‘All-In’ for whatever that may be.

2 Comments

Filed under Growth